Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Retail Therapy #02

... so I realised I've been shopping a little too much recently, (there are quite a few things still in boxes on my floor) but either way who doesn't like occasional retail therapy no? My mom managed to fly back to Hong Kong today despite being put on standby since last thursday! (Whooo) Anyways, found these babies in her suitcase, I guess a little present for me from my parents. Perfect timing as my old canvas ones were on their last breaths.

Shopping is cheaper than a therapist.... actually no. I really don't think so in my case...

I'm having major FOMO (fear of missing out) at the moment because my sister and her entourage has gone to Ocean Park without me (well actually I bailed because insomnia decided to have a one-on-one with me until 6/7 am this morning and they were due to set out at around 9) Plus I wasn't exactly in the best mood earlier this morning following a rather depressing conversation with my boyfriend.. ex.

(How I feel about my sister right now... just kidding)

Anyways, I'm procrastinating going to the gym (hence the double post today...  and I didn't want to end the day with such a depressing post about my life). Have a good Tuesday everyone.

What I'm Listening To: Feel Good (Pierce Fulton Remix) GOLDHOUSE

Current Mood:

(just kidding... really I'm joking)


Bittersweet nothing...

Up until last night I kept a mental scrapbook of things we could do, what I could cook you, how to improve on our evening rituals of wine and TV, how to celebrate the weirdest events... 

Freedom commonly associated with suffering- like the female suffragettes, who finally claimed freedom of equality, faced a rough ride and struggle fighting for their cause. I am free now, but it hasn't come around without great suffering. 

Without sounding slightly pathetic and in the least cryptic way possible, I couldn't wait. I saved my heart for 20 years for the right guy to come along and I did for a short sweet moment found him. But possessiveness is a characteristic which people don't chose to acquire, and I understand that your past has not left you in the most open and understanding state. Nor mine, leaving me dependant on the people I trust around me. I don't blame you for that or leaving but I know it's best for me to pack up my bags and move on.

This past week has been a rather confusing roller coaster; not knowing when I was in my ups and downs. It was confusing to say the least but for the short period of time endurable. However, the thought of prolonging that and waiting for the 'long-run', I cannot. As an economist, I can tell you that 'long-run' never comes by, instead we wait for a newer, more accurate model of theory which depicts now what should have been the 'long-run' to the 'short-run' (I know confusing). In other terms... you will never reach the 'long-run'.

Either way, its going to be so hard to put all the memories and the love that I felt for you in a tiny box, in my head, in the back of my mind alongside all the bad things and disappointments I have experienced in my lifetime. I put you there because you chose now, when you know what fragile state my mind is to leave. I don't blame you but I can't say I take this lightly. In order for me to move on... I will have to force myself to forget. We were friends first so I have every confidence that that will stay true- I'm always here for you... and I hope when I really need you, you'll be there for me too.

Im sorry. I never had patience. 

What I'm Listening To: Left Over Cuties cover of "Fedelity" by Regina Spektor


Saturday, 26 July 2014


Urban Dictionary word of the day: #nofux

Haven't been motivated to do much lately, i've been mainly hiding out in my bed. It's actually rather comforting in there alone... but nonetheless being alone is lonely.

To kill time and vent some pent up frustration and anger I've been exercising quite a bit- I have to say, the ache the next day is getting rather addicting. Here's a somewhat try hard photo of my gym routine the other day. Gotta burn off those extra munchies pounds... have to say I'm starting to agree with the saying "once on the lips forever on the hips"...

Other things I've been doing these couple of days would include shopping.... a lot of online shopping... 

I left London with one suitcase of clothing... but somehow, I don't know how... but my holiday closet has grown so loud I had to buy a make shift rack/ closet to organise my stuff...

If you're rolling your eyes right now... 

8===> --  

#hatersgonnahate #nofux

Anyways, despite some unfortunate events I'm trying to stay more positive. Perhaps I'll try and go out and have fun, let go and just try and enjoy my saturday night.

What I'm Listening To: Kodaline - High Hopes (Filous Remix)

Current mood:

(sorry for such a scattered blog post.. my minds a little scattered at the moment.)


Friday, 25 July 2014

Your ears will thank you #01

Listen carefully and follow instructions as follows:
(smoking one may enhance experience but not advised for children under the age of 16. If you are under the age of 16... please skip to step 3)

1. Roll one

2. Smoke one

3. Play

4. Read along
(its a remix of the song so its all jumbled- but its my favourite one so far. Either way if you followed step 1 and 2, you probably didn't even realise...)

I want you by my side
So that I never feel alone again
They've always been so kind
But now they've brought you away from me
I hope they didn't get your mind
Your heart is too strong, anyway
We need to fetch back the time
They have stolen from us

I want you
We can bring it on the floor
You've never danced like this before
We don't talk about it
Dancing on, do the boogie all night long
Stoned in paradise
Shouldn't talk about it

Shouldn't talk about it

Coldest winter for me
No sun is shining anymore
The only thing I feel is pain
Caused by absence of you
Suspense controlling my mind
I cannot find the way out of here

I want you by my side
So that I never feel alone again

I want you
We can bring it on the floor
You've never danced like this before
We don't talk about it
Dancing on, do the boogie all night long
Stoned in paradise
Shouldn't talk about it

Shouldn't talk about it

I want you
We can bring it on the floor
You've never danced like this before
We don't talk about it
Dancing on, do the boogie all night long
Stoned in paradise
Shouldn't talk about it

4. Escape in your mind...

to this...

... or perhaps this...

... but if you're me...

5. Listen to your ears thanking you

Current mood:


Thursday, 24 July 2014

Smelling Less than Medium

... its 30 degrees celsius here in Hong Kong

Yes. It is.
And here are just a couple of reasons why it is not okay if you're CLUELESS...

1. You smell... You really smell... You smell so awful so often... smelling someone nice on the streets of Hong Kong is like finding white truffles in spring
ie. never.

2. Grab everything grey in your wardrobe... now toss it in the bin. Even God can't help you with hiding those sweat patches... I was also unaware that Moses parted the red sea on YOUR BACK.


3. If you're sweating... everyone else is too. This means:
a) dead sinuses
b) run... run very fast. The general rule of thumb on walking etiquette= none. 
Its a free for all here so "may the odds be ever in your favour". If you don't start elbowing people out the way, be very prepared for some sweat trading... believe me, a potential black eye is a risk I'm willing to take!

4. You spend a good half an hour making sure your hair is looking decent...

... to only realise you could have skipped on the backcombing. The humidity does great magic in enlarging the size of your hair...

5. The awful combination of melting make-up, sweat patches, body odour and 60s blowout hair gone wrong means that the only places for social activities are indoors. How many meals can you physically have a day? 


At least its no shirt season for guys, Hellooooooooooo hotties with dem sweaty bodddddiessssss... (and if you don't have a bod like Zac Efron... #suckstosuck) DROOL

Anyways, its past 5am now so i'm off to bed. I'm done ranting for the day- it's time to tackle insomnia.


Heart On

Urban Dictionary Word of the Day: Heart On

I believe today was meant to be a special day... I mean they all say 2 months is an accomplishment. Either way... I wondered how things would have turned out... I envisioned it with a cute rainbow layered cake with a cute card saying "you're the rainbow after the storm" then a quick visit to a local yoghurt store to relive some sweet memories but either way life is life.

Anyways, my sisters back today... I'm so excited to have her back... although I must say my rooms been feeling rather peaceful without anyone here. It going to be hard avoiding people in this bitch ass house when its packed in a couple of days... BOO. I might have to channel my inner Zen and just zone everyone out. 

Anywhooooo congratulations to my sister for graduating! Love you a lot and love you always...


Tuesday, 22 July 2014

The rainbow after a storm...

Its always awkward starting a blog post when you know many family and friends are reading this. Having contemplated long and hard about wether or not to start fresh- anonymous and in writing terms; free, I decided not to. I had once created this platform as a form of an escape- despite having great darkness in my life, finally at rock bottom (I hope this is) I can only pick myself back up. Having been 'popped' out of my sparkling crystal bubble a few years ago, I've been hit with reality as fast as a bullet train. I'm turing 21 soon and I hope by then, I can once become the Kelly I used to be. I've been pitying myself for too long- and its time to face my problems head on and embark on this spiritual journey (as cheesy as it sounds) in order to become a better me.

Having been bed bound for pretty much the whole year, avoiding calls, avoiding texts, avoiding my friends, family.. people, and although I very much enjoyed sleeping, watching endless amounts of television shows, eating pretty much anything which is processed, full of sugar, and fat, grease, oil... you name it.. i had it, and no matter how pretty my bed looked decorated in multicoloured confetti sprinkles which i neglected to polish off with my sickly sweet cupcakes following a nice long binge... its time to stop.

I've taken a few notes to myself... you may interpret this as you may like-

1. depression requires medication (not lets hide them in a box and pretend your brain will mend itself)

2. if you're prescribed Xanax say thank you, praise the Lord... and take them.. take ALOT of it: feeling like you don't give a fuck (pardon my french) is as euphoric as a concoction of cough syrup and drugs (not that i've done either).. perhaps I should try. (just kidding mom.. dad.. aunties)!

3. anxiety is not fun (holla the xanax!!!)

4. binge eating will make you fat

5. binge eating will make you REALLY fat

6. avoiding people is harder than you think... you all should share excuses to see how many times ive recycled them depending on the situation and people. OOpss... dont take it personally I really do like you.. but I honestly have ZERO ENERGY to give a shit about you right now.

7. stop being so angry. What has happened has happened and theres nothing you can do to change it, all you're doing is taking it out on yourself... you're not hurting anyone else but yourself.

8. LET IT GO.. LET IT GO... (queue Olaf, Anna and Elsa... snowflakes the whole shebang)

9. shavers= for shaving... nothing else

10. toothbrush= for teeth... nothing else

11. antidepressants either knock you out cold during family meals... or make you eat like you've been starved for 10 years.

12. hygiene kel..hygiene.. shave your legs for fucks sakes.. i know people say they don't mind, but seriously, what kind of biodiversity are you trying to cultivate in that forest you're growing on your legs??

13. not eating due to low apetite= cold... very cold, anemia, PMS and hospital trips

14. If youre gluten, wheat, lactose intorant it means God is telling you to STOP EATING THAT SHIT

15. let future kelly deal with it= its never going to be done

16. no matter how much sleep you get... you're not getting any more beautiful.

17. you can literally run out of shows to watch on netflix

(... this rant can continue for pages so i'll stop ranting now)

18. I forgive you K for leaving me... it felt like the minute you could escape you left... and with all the shit you left behind.. I was too. I've never really had the heart to tell you how badly it hurt when you were never there for me when I needed you most.. I found comfort in mom and dads closet... where I would imagine what life would be like if I ran away before you could... so I wouldn't have been the one stuck at home.. the curious one who dug for the truth and the one who bore the burden of everything because I wanted you to be happy... I wanted you to be you and the last thing I wanted was you to come back to save me from the darkness because at least one of us is deserving of happiness.

19. I forgive you for what you put me through that one year because you hit your rock bottom... it was my duty to help you out of your darkness.. I did... and I forgive you for not being around to help me after. I am so thankful for the great memories and the support you've given me at times and I cannot imagine what life would be like if I had not changed your wallpaper to my flaring nostrils. (y)

20. I forgive you for leaving. Im sorry that your long term plan didnt work out the way you wanted it to... the situation is out of my hands.. and i'm so so so happy for the happiness you brought me- the escape you gave me when I needed it most. I understand. #ballersofgoodgestreet :)

21. I forgive you "both" for the shit you both have been putting me through although I understand we all have feelings.. what ever happens now happens and Im in no place to try and fight and fix.. because I need to fix myself first.

.... and finally..

22. I forgive you MM. I forgave you the first time, when I found out... I forgave you when you were so fucking shady with your mobile.. erasing phone conversations... changing your password so often that even you yourself forgot it. You were being shady as fuck and only people who have dirt on their hands are paranoid. Im not comparing you to a fascist.. but YOU HAVE SUCKED THE FUN OUT OF KELLY.

I now forgive you for the contents of that stupid USB stick.. but just because I forgive you does not mean im okay with you. I will come back home when I'm comfortable with it.

Okay the was depressing.. and you all are probably thinking this..

but I'm fed up of moping around... I'm changing. I promise.


What I'm listening to: Kailo- Need Ya (feat. Aela Kae)

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