Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Hairdresser with a Death Wish

Being super bored of my life at the moment, I thought much change is needed to help me get out of this rut. What does a girl do? Cut that hairrrrr (Mistake #1). I tend to have this pattern with my hair... I like it long... really long. But every so often (which normally is this time of year) I go for a 'drastic' change and chop it just longer than shoulder length. Having noticed this trend, I decided to not hack off my long locks. I went to the hair dressers... asked for a trim and told him to do what he thought would be a nice change- I suggested a colour change, perhaps some waves? (Mistake #2).

The outcome? Lets just say I was not too pleased. Two and a half hours later, $2,000 HKD later... I look up into the mirror and I feel like Brad Pitt in Troy. I mean he rocked it in that film- I still remembering the whole class swooning over the scene when he was ass naked (awkward now thinking about how it must have looked from the eyes of our Classics teacher in Year 8... cringe). Anyways... back to the subject (I do do that often dont I? My trail of thoughts always going off in tangents), Brad rocked the hair... me... well I'm no Brad Pitt.









Another comparison of my experience would be Mad Madam Mim from Sword of the Stone.... It-is-that-bad.

1. Living my super chilled life with amazing long hair...




2. ...Oh shits about to go down...




3. ...Shit happens.







FML
.
.
.



(It then went into a horrid horrid perm... I honestly cannot express how gross my hair is right now. Im sure it'll look better in a month when it grows out a little more.)


(best photo of my hair... honestly... it looks 50 times worse in real life :'( )





Aside from that...

1. Been attending some music classes- well actually DJ classes. Im not half bad so I'm definitely going to continue this after I finish my beginners course in Hong Kong. 2 more courses until I'm a proper DJ bitches



2. It has been raining for a couple of days in HK now... not ideal (but thats another post sometime in the near future)


(If only rainy days ended up like this... swoon at the notebook)




3. Tempted to get inked. WAHHH my brains like YOLO do it... my heads like kelly... NO... youre going to regret it in two years. What to do? INKINKINKINKINK

Moms like...


And I'm like...











What I'm Listening To: Classic- MKTO









Current mood:








Kel
x













Saturday, 16 August 2014

Dear Friends,


Apologies for being slightly MIA this week. I haven't have much to say.. its the same old same old. I've been having good days and bad days but nothing unusual. I've been rather inactive on social media lately, avoiding facebook and twitter.. here. I just didn't have the heart to see things that upset me. Mainly life revolving around a certain someone. As well as that... my blog has picked up a rather lot of views globally, mainly Hong Kong so I can't help but feel that all my friends are reading this, and not quite sure how I feel about it either... (not as down low as I'd prefer). Anyhow, you all would be happy to know that I've actually bought a diary and started to rant on that instead (no more calling people out here)...



... unless you're really pissing me off.. then I will have no reservations in my opinions. 


But yeh, things were becoming unbearable for me in Hong Kong- I've been in bed for coming up to a month now. That sucks... I feel like i've been cheated of my summer. And what sucks the most is that some dickhead is having a great one... well I've been told by several people who keep asking me who these people are and why he's always with this certain someone who I really don't give a flying fuck about. (Channeling my inner Zen now before I rape the fuck out of this situation because I am fuming).




Basically my summer has been shit. The week I finished my internship I ended up in bed crying for a month (compared to the pathetic 3 days someone else was sulking for)... but then again how I'm handling it may seem pathetic. But lol I'd rather have everyone see me as pathetic then a heartless dickface who I regret ever meeting.... (inner Zen inner Zen)


ANYWAYS.. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with my flight to New York City coming up in two weeks... anyone fancy a Premium Economy (sorry Im not loved enough to travel business so i guess you'll have to slum it out) ticket return from London? Should have used the money to buy myself a pair of Loubs... shoes never let me down.




I had a tough first day in Thailand... I went a day earlier on my own to collect my feelings before my mom flew out to join me. She literally dragged me out of bed and sent me off to Thailand (.. best mom ever... maybe I should sulk more... Maldives next?) It was fun to escape my life... Thailand seemed so simple. I was thoroughly enjoying my trip until my Aunt was explaining her lovely history about how she and her husband tied the knot, and how she wasn't the slightest bothered that her husband has been working in partnership with his longterm ex for years and they're all best friends. Weird but so happy for them... (however bittersweet to me as it brought back a lot of unpleasant memories "find one example in the world" blha blah b;lhablhabla... literally everything you've said to me is like absolute bullshit in my head right now).


A few photos from Thailand... will do a post tomorrow about it when my eyes are less puffy. :)








...


I can't wait for school to start. New year.. new friends. And when i'm on my turf... you better not expect anything to be okay. I tried to be friends... I was the only one trying to sort it out because I knew we'd have to study with each other... but honestly... you're dead to me.

I just can't believe that someone can hurt me so badly.. I'm generally a strong person and I've been there for everyone. I remember a  conversation with S earlier this summer whilst some boys were playing football.. and she was explaining how she wasn't in a relationship because she hasn't met anyone who was worth the pain of a breakup.. and I looked up at my man boy (.. urgh DIE) and said.. "don't worry, when you're not looking it'll come in the most unexpected ways. I used to think like you but I was so wrong".... I am literally laughing now. I really want to have this conversation again and be like FUCK THAT I was stupid. Hahha




"You live alone, you die alone. And everything in between is just a distraction"- The Art of Getting By






Notes:

1. Can't wait to leave


2. But I'll miss my Grandparents :(


3. Sofa bound again after my trip


4. Still fuming... even more angry at a certain someone


5. Im clearly a bigger person so I'll be civil when I encounter you... but thats pretty much it. Im just being friendly and civil because Im a nice person... but inside... if i'm not fuming... I prey for the day that I honestly have no feeling, no anger... nothing. Just a person I used to know. Because for me to still be mad I care... and i cannot wait for the day I honestly don't even care.





6. Im being force fed. Apparently a diet of dragon fruit and boiled vegetables is not sufficient enough... so now I feel gross and disgusting as Im literally being force fed carbs carbs carbs carbs...

kill. me. now.

goodbye. body.




7. God send somoene over who knows how to change the setting on Now TV so the language is in English.. that way I can actually select and watch shows more than TLC. There is only so much cake boss I can watch.







What I'm Listening to: Hold Me Down ft. Revier- Mansionair







Current Mood:









Kel
x







Monday, 4 August 2014

"Morning has broken, like the first morning..."

I would like to start this blog post with an apology to a certain someone. Although this is my own escape I understand that friends and family do come on here to pry into my life and it was not cool to call you out like that. Either way, I apologise for that but still... you deserved it. (Had to apologise because it was bothering me all day...)



Now that my conscience is clear.... 


... its a MONDAYYYYY.... never felt so pleased that I finally get a nice fresh week. Following yesterdays rant I feel amazing... if anything euphoric that it's off my chest. I've been pretty much moping around for the past two weeks... probably on my bed more hours than on me feet. 



Although i'm determined to start feeling better, I still couldn't physically drag my sorry ass out of the apartment today during sunlight hours. Per usual insomnia until 6am, then up for brunch (the usual dragon fruit and cherries) at 2pm. I'm quite sad that I missed the trip my mom planned for us to go to a fresh fruit market because I couldn't get out of bed,  (i'm a fruit lady... I have like 5 variety of fruits in my bag... always), but she's amazing, loving, caring.. but a little too enthusiastic in terms of trying to get me out the house; she returned home with a bunch of dragon fruits, cherries and some weird looking apples just for me! 

It's still quite the mountain to climb getting out of my warm snuggly bed... despite not being able to get out of the house.. I made it to the sofa today (haha). Spent my day lying around the living room for a change watching Top Chef on my laptop. Perhaps I'll quite school and become a culinary artist... as they say you win a mans heart through their stomach. <----- LOL. Either thats a lie... or I'm just a sh*t cook...  in that case, better not quit school.




I think the hardest part of getting out the house is getting changed. If you know me... like REALLY know me... I'm literally the chillest person ever. I hate clothes and baking a la nude (or at least in my underwear) is my choice of hobby to pass time. I don't really see the point in wearing underwear (although I've been told that thats not socially acceptable.. FINE- I once went into work without a bra this summer unnoticed until someone pointed it out.. .was rather awkward as I genuinely didn't realise...yikes!). Anyways, back to my point.. getting changed into proper clothes is a chore for me, and if I could, i'd Hermes belt a snuggy and call it Haute Couture... 


Aside from that note, I haven't hit the gym in the last two days so getting back into my routine (I nearly bailed and ate my heart out) was rather nice. Managed to motivated myself with a peanut butter (on top of butter.. idk they even bother) and condensed milk waffle from a street vendor and two double espressos on the way to the gym- I know it defeats the point. I wondered what people were thinking seeing a fat person eating a greasy waffle in tight gym clothing... 





Killed my workout and came home, shoes off, bag down, and straight to the fridge. I know cherries aren't the best post workout (gotta whip out that protein shake... either that or bacon strips and bacon strip and bacon strips... but I hate bacon), but who can resist a nice bowl of cold crisp cherries?


I was bored so yeh... I did take selfies with my cherries. (I really want to put in a 'funny' pun of 'ma cherie' because they're cherries.. and my love... but I won't because I know i'm lame)




Notes:


1. IM FINE...  I write on this blog purely for myself... I have a strong mind and its nice to vent and let off some steam on this platform. Id prefer it if people would stop contacting me like I'm a puppy who just got ran over... seriously... i'm going to quit writing my feelings and start eating them again if y'all don't stop.


2. Its not the end of the world.. whatever happens in my life happens. Yes I'm in a super shitty place because I let myself get beat down by stuff that's been happening around me these couple of years.


3. My granddad is ill... he's like 90, and yes I am sad about it. I love him.


4. No I havent talked to my dad in about... 2-3 months. I'm moody... deal with it. Don't ask. #daddyproblems (although I'm starting to feel a little guilty).


5. Yes Im always upset... if people watched their life crumble around them like I have then perhaps you'd understand why. Either way IM FINE.


6. If only life was as romantic as they make it out to be in books... (que female population crying)
Anyways, hope everyone has a lovely week ahead of them :D







What I'm Listening To: Florence and The Machine- Cosmic Love (Seven Lions Remix)
(Gets good at 2:00 mins... give it a chance)










Current Mood:







Kel
x




Sunday, 3 August 2014

Dear Dickhead...





I would first like to say that you were half the man I thought you were. I let you in and I cared so god damn much about you but honestly i'm so sick of you taking advantage of our current situation. You dumped my ass (I'm not afraid to admit that you did.. who would have guessed that YOU dumped my ass... my friends from London were quite bewildered that I agreed to date you in the first place).... I'm not the person to take people's word of mouth and I believed that you genuinely were a nice, gentle, caring guy who was right for me. I waited for a good 20 years for the right man to walk along into my life and prove to me that not all men are not to be trusted (lol Dad #daddyproblems), to only realise that you're an absolute arsehole... you're childish, immature, petty, possessive and in general just a horrible person. You think yourself so big and great. And yes I had a lot of baggage to deal with during our relationship.. but I honestly fought against EVERYONE to try and make the relationship work. I can honestly say that this has been the worst summer of my life and all this fighting with my dad, with my friends, my sister... pretty much everyone who I cared about was NOT worth it.



Honestly, sure I got why you couldn't take it anymore. But despite being dumped by the first guy i've ever let into my life, I worked so hard to be friends. One of the things I said to you earlier this year before we dated was "I don't think this is a good idea.. we still have to study with each other for the next two years"... and I still stand by that. We do have to work together, see each other day in day out. And I wanted to prevent something like this to ruin our University experience.

We had so much potential even as friends.. and I care for you so much that despite not having spent any time with my sister this summer, I turned down a trip to go to Shanghai (formerly was meant to be Thailand planned months in advance) because it fell on your birthday weekend. Having lied that you weren't doing anything... whilst I know you've been celebrating for 3 days in a row... I let that go. You first bailed on me on you're birthday when we 'fought' not my fault.. purely yours because you never call or text and I had to go out of my way to try and make a friendship with you work.. (its honestly like trying to talk to a wall). Once again you bailed on me the next day.. and having not only bailed on me yet again... I hear nothing from you. ... until of course once again you contact me drunk.. but NOT about me.. but how much hatered you have over certain people in my life.

By no means am I saying that saying this to me privately is alright (which you also did). But when other people have to come to me to say... "What the fuck is wrong with your ex"... thats just plain embarrassing. To have received these images of a conversation you had sent last night to someone I really care about is just appalling... I have no idea who you are and honestly if this is what you say when you're drunk... (because they all say that you reveal your true self drunk) then you must be a horrid person. ... I hear from you never, and when I do.. it's not on the lines of 'I miss you'...  (you have a weird fucking way of showing how much you love me by NOT telling me how much you love me) but hating and being someone so so horrid that I didn't know you had in you. For example, when I was drunk... I went around everyone seeing you... calling everyone your name and having conversations about if they loved their spouses they should never let them go... pathetic I know... but I would rather be perceived as pathetic than the foul filth that has come out of yours when you're drunk.



(Snippets of this sh*t which doesn't do what you said justice because I respect that this was private and will not show the really horrid shit you said...)




From love I learnt trust and forgiveness. From love you learnt hatred. And I don't blame you for being insecure because you did have someone fuck you over. But I would just like you to know.. that someone is you to me. Because you did fuck me over.. and I feel foolish to have let you in and chose you to show me what love could feel like because you don't deserve it. You don't even deserve my friendship.

I tried so hard to make this work.. but I honestly cannot look past how wrong your values are if thats the only thing that comes out of your mouth intoxicated, you must be a really ugly person in the inside. I can say the most horrible thing I've said and felt about someone was this summer when I argued to that certain someone on the phone because of you... (well it kicked off because of you... and really it would be unfair if I pinned that on you but you were the oil to the fire)

"You're a lying cheating scumbag".

I haven't talked to this person properly since (apologise for the crypticness but I know friends and family are reading this .. and this is not how the truth is meant to be let out). Compare my sentence to all those foul things that you've come up with. (Yes okay, we talk about hoe bags and sluts for funs but what I said I will never forget because I said it from the bottom of my heart because he had disappointed me and hurt me so badly, but what you said was just discriminative and unacceptable not just to me or her but pretty much any person with an honest right mind). I don't think you have a nice character anymore... I don't think you're a nice person. And honestly i'm embarrassed to defended your character to multiple people at multiple times because you have just proven them right.

My rant could continue on by me complaining how hurt i've been that you've literally neglected me and just pushing all the blame on me... and using that as an excuse to act the way you do.. but what you said last night is bad enough in itself and proves to me that you're not someone I want to keep round in my life.

(LOL what you did to yourself on your bday)


Unless you grow the fuck up, apologise to the people you wronged and stop being so naive, I can't even look at you let alone be friends or what not.

You've disappointed me, hurt me, and I hope your friends are reading this to feel just as ashamed of you as I am. No one in this world has the right to talk to someone like that.








On another note.. to the non dickheads of this world...

1. Im rather embarrassed that I wrote this 'essay'... I hope I haven't exceed the famous 6,000 word record (if you get it you get it.. if you don't you don't)

2. I apologise to anyone who was offended by the contents of the messages

3. I know it's not cool on my behalf to post messages on here.. but I thought it was absolutely appalling and I had to get it off my chest. As I said previously... I created this platform for myself, so if you don't like it.. get off it.






What I'm Listening to: Stooshe- Black Heart






Current mood: & proud to feel...












Kel
x








Saturday, 2 August 2014

Theres Rude... then there Unacceptable





If you personally know me, then you'd know that I'm not a particularly rude person. I may at times say crude things in a joking matter, or seem rather cold and blunt. But when push comes to shove, my pet peeves would include rude people.

For me I think the most important quality to hold is having a good personality. No matter how appealing you may appear on the outside, its your inner character which defines how attractive you are. Yes I may seem rather intimidating and bitchy at times, I apologise... I have been told that I sometimes give off a rather unappealing vibe to strangers.. but if you all get to know me, or even hold a single conversation with me, you'd know that i'm not that person.

I only surround myself with the people who hold the same values as I do; not tolerating people who are discriminative, sexist, arrogant or just plain right rude.


If you don't share the same values as I do... please just f*ck out my life because no matter how bad a situation is.. I would never stoop so low and tear other people down just to big myself up. Being rude, discriminative, sexist, arrogant will not help your case.. if anything I have no respect for these people and I hope you stay well away from my life if you chose to be that person.






FYI:


1. Proud to be a female. If you know me... I take sexism very personally. I will not, and do not appreciate sexist comments (although I do love my kitchen.. so that one I will laugh). Whatever a man can do, a woman can do just as well.. if not better.


History of 'female hysteria':   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria






2. Be Humble. Okay yes at times I may seem rather arrogant about things... but that's 100% a joke. If you know me, I come from rather humble, honest background and I've been brought up to appreciate the little things in life. I detest people who aren't modest about things... I think being humble, respectful and thankful for the good fortunes in your life is very important.





3. Equality. First I would like to hit on discrimination against race. Racism is not cool guys. As one of the only few Chinese... asian people in fact in primary school and secondary school in London (thank god of the acceleration of globalisation as now its asian invasion everywhere!) I have been exposed to my fair share of racism. In primary school, some boys would call me racist things... I am rather surprised come to think about it that at the age of 9 they knew those terms- thankfully I didn't at the time so didn't think much of it. 

Secondary school, I was once cornered on the way back from school by a group of english white female 'chavs'. Despite wanting to correct their constant misuse of grammar, they chose to pick on an 11 year old girl wearing private school uniform. I managed to get out of that situation without a scratch... but they clearly chose to pick on me out of all the other school kids wearing the same uniform purely because I was  Chinese. Nonetheless, I am proud of being Chinese.. even though I agree that I am a little bit white washed... (oops... i'm trying!)






Secondly, I would like to hit on the subject of equality over the acceptance of LGBT people in society. In fact if I ever have the opportunity, I would love to join one of their social movements purely because I feel that people should not be discriminated against no matter what lifestyle, how they look, what their interests are and what they chose to do in their free time. We are all free people (well most of us... I don't want to dip my toes into foreign affairs)... but in general, we are all free people and we have the right to do the f*ck we want free of judgement. 




Personally, I agree that i'm a difficult child. I would purposely do something in spite of other people if they tell me what to do. I have always and will always (although it can be attributed as a flaw of mine) be a free person and I will do what ever the f*ck I want. And the fact is that i've done stupid things to myself and put myself in danger at times just to spite my parents for telling me not to do something. But i'm lucky... I got to do everything I wanted (most of the time) free of judgement... (except that one time when I was 16 and threw a massive orgy pool party... lovely milky pool the next morning... mmmm). ANYWAYS... besides that time I've lived a life free of judgement (also aside from the times I was called fat when I was modelling... even being a size 6/8 UK then). I hope that everyone in this world keeps an open mind to things, experience different cultures, and lifestyles. Perhaps I am too much of a wanderlust but life is full of experiences and I think one of my best attributes is an open mind.

I love and fully support all my LGBT friends out there. I've met the most lovely people... and especially these two hilarious men who I wish I got to know better from BABO. You guys are such pleasant people to be around... and you all are great great great people. Perhaps we should look up to this community, as they teach us to be strong and rise against bullies and the discriminative people in our world. No one can stop us from being who we are...and you guys are living proofs that being yourselves are worth fighting for.







I would like to end this rant on a thankful note. I am so pleased that everyone I surround myself with are pleasant people. If only we could learn the good in every different type of community. From Madagascar, I learnt to be happy and humble with nothing. I went on a months volunteering backpack experience when I was 17, and to see the happiness in their lives with physically nothing proves that life is what you make of it. 
What I learnt from modelling is that just because you sabotage someone else's chances of getting the job.. does not necessarily mean you will get it; you are either right for it or not. In a bigger perspective... don't pull others down... concentrate your energy in making yourself better.  
Humans are stupid and flawed to not unite and live peacefully amongst one another. The world would be such a lovely place if we were all open minded, kind, caring people. I hope the people in my life realise how much I value their friendship and care. I am thankful that you all are such wonderful people and if you know me... I honestly do everything out of my way to  make sure that you are the best version of you.. and I did the upmost everything I could to make you happy.





I could easily say, I have not been this happy since visiting Madagascar... that was 3 years ago.



Kel
x



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