Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Goodbyes



Why can't real life be like the movies.. I want you, you want me. He waits outside your window with the radio on your favourite song until you cave and peer out to see what he wants- pulls out a cue card with beautiful words on the lines of, will you let me be the one who will love you, take care of you, and be there for you for life in sickness and in health.


I haven't been watching a lot of romcoms in these recent years because I realised how much of a misperception they give off- there is no such thing as a happy ending... and even when you have closure, the person who you're talking to happens to be drunk, or you're drunk because thats the only time you have the courage to talk (in my case no i wasn't ... I just have balls of steel). Idk, life is tough but no matter how horrible of a situation you find yourself in, you have no choice but to curl your hair, wear lipstick, put on your best shoes and walk out like you haven't the care in the world.


I know a lot of my friends who are reading this are going through hard times with their feelings with friends, family, love interests, and I'd just like to remind them that thats life, and at the end of the day heart breaks with whoever, your dad, your siblings, your boyfriend or even friend isn't easy- and if it is easy then clearly you don't care enough. I can easily sit here and pretend that I have my head screwed on right and that you all should try and be me, strong, firm but caring at he same time. It's not all that it seems, I am also like you all, vulnerable and hurt but I accept the reality that the world will keep spinning,  that time will keep passing, and I have no choice but to keep hurting until one day it stops. I have no place and earnt no right to tell you all how to deal with your feelings, but I know as the expert of putting on a fucking A grade facade, that the best you can do is put on your game face and fool the world (I mean.. haven't I fooled you all?). I don't know if it's just me but the last thing I want to do is have people pity me, or be sad for me... because at the end of the day that just makes me feel even more sad! I certainly do not need people to think i'm pathetic. As a realistic person, I know that all wounds heal no matter how long you need to cry about it in bed, and no matter how many calories you need to consumer (or not consume .. lucky bitch...).


Before you all text me and approach me about this rather somber post, I am fine. I just know that everyone I care about is having a hard time as well- I think we all need to understand that we all have feelings.. and no one is happy 100% of the time. So get off facebook, stop comparing your lives with others (because people only put their best bits online.. no one publicises PMS, tampons, cupcakes and ben and jerrys with 3 days unwashed hair do they?), and just do what you have to do to hurt, cry, and get over it. I know it's easier said than done, but no matter how long it'll take, a week, a month, a year... one day it'll stop hurting and perhaps you can start living again.


On that last note, I love you all.. and once I start caring and loving I never truely stop.. and I beleive that you can never stop loving someone.. it's just how well you conceal it to yourself. I love you all to the bottom of my heart, and unfortunately the road for the modern day grace kelly has come to an end. I had kept my initial promise to continue posting on this for a year, and now I think i've exhausted this channel after 2-3 years. I do enjoy coming on here to talk and vent about my feelings, and more importantly it has been the best tool that I've had to keep me sane over the years. I know its not the end of blogging for me as I know that I really enjoy this... and c'mon I couldn't stay more than a month away from posting on here! Anyways, this is goodbye for a lot of things, and certainly this is my last post to all of you... and in 2 weeks time this site will be completely deleted (should be enough time for all of you who reads this, read this). Thank you for staying on this journey with me... you all have been very good to me.



FYI...






It breaks my heart to say goodbye but I feel like I have a lot to sort out at the moment. I love you all, and remember, if you need anything... literally anything, I'm a phone call away.




Kisses,
Kel
x




Saturday, 1 November 2014

Thousand Smiles

Step 1: Play



Step 2:  Watch Gif with awesome music













There are a lot of things in life we are told to cherish- many of us are told that high school and college is possibly the best time of your life. Perhaps it's just me but I get so caught up making the most out of the moment and trying to think of ways to make memorable stories to tell and being in fear of missing out if I'm tied down, I end up losing sight of everyday pleasure that I should be thankful for. 

I'm constantly stressing and putting unnecessary pressure on myself to maximise my happiness in every situation, I forget the beauty's of everyday life- or more importantly, all the people and places that are so easily accessible that I take for granted. Sometimes, I find myself telling my brain to stop thinking, continue feeling, and just go with the flow. Life will take me on great journey's and by putting so much pressure on myself to be happy I forget that I am actually happy! 


Thank you everyone who have been there for me and making me smile throughout the years. I'm so sorry if I ever took you for granted, I never realise how just being around you all made me a much better person. I feel like the old me is coming back and I'm happy, i am. :) As my roommate says "happy girls are the prettiest". I love you all.







Step 3: Smile... and never stop smiling



.... because whether it's a month ago...





.... or  over a year ago....







... you will always regret not enjoying the happy moments even more- no matter how simple they are.







"Your smile can light up New York City in the dark"









Kisses,
Kel
x


















Friday, 31 October 2014

Halllooo- ween






Its 7.30pm on Halloween night, normally I'd be rushing to start getting my freak on (not like that)- got a lot of hair to curl and makeup to paste on my face. But tonight I feel no obligation to take up that opportunity the world has graced the female race; to pout around town wearing that sorry excuse of  a skirt belt. Although I've had my fair share of costumes, todays different- I'm not feeling all too festive at the moment. I decided to stay home, watch another season of How I Met Your Mother (although this is doing nothing but torture to my feelings) have a nice cup of tea... or wine... which ever I can get my hands on... and just chill out, escape and mend my crying heart.







Although it's been a tough couple of months, I'm excited to finally get this over and done with. My trusted roommate (currently my rock) shoved a lot of sense into me. I changed, and people have changed- and the person who I have come to love or have loved is not quite there anymore. So why torture myself? Sometimes it's great to have a strong mind like mine- where if I'm determined to do something I would.. and at times, I push myself too far by trying to always be the bigger person. Life's full of choices, and I think I finally chose not to hold onto this. I know I won't be happy for now, but all I know is that its not worth it.. nothing makes this worth it especially if the certain someone just isnt the same anymore.... maybe that or the feelings changed. It takes me a long time to accept things as I hate giving up, but holding onto something not because it feels right, but because of what it felt like before is stupid... and honestly a waste of time and emotions- they just don't deserve it.




I know im going to come out of this stronger, happier, better... and since I'm so single right now, I've started to pick up on my fitness routine. Gonnnaaa hit that gym, catch some sun on holiday... and just stop holding onto thoughts, feelings, emotions for people who arent worth it... (at the end of the day, there was a lot of grey matter floating around). And I'm not even sure what I felt previously was well deserved... I had my suspicions and bad feelings.. but blinded by myself, I chose to ignore them (what a nono) . I think a great lesson has been learnt, you can only rely on yourself- I have this off feeling... and instead of confronting (because I never win especially when the other party becomes so defensive then play the I dont have enough energy to deal with this stress right now), I choose to let go and move on. I believe theres someone out there for me whether friend or more, who can make me happy, not when it's just us two around, but treat me the same, with love and care, in front of anyone and everyone. :) When I find that person, I'll holla you all :)







Treat people like how they treat you- it's the best policy. People don't deserve any better than they treat you, and if you want to be treated in a certain way, you better pick up your game and be a better friend because you can't expect them to treat you any better than you treat them. If they're kind, be kind, if they caring be caring, and if they're cold, be cold.















What I'm Listening To: Hey Mami- Sylvan Esso (Big Wild Remix)







Current Mood:








Kisses,
Kel
x




Thursday, 30 October 2014

Holla Bitches!



So in two days it would have been exactly 2 months since I stopped writing on here. Those two months had their ups and downs.. although I must say getting over a certain someone was hard /// (or in fact is hard). It's a constant battle between my head and my heart, but something sparked me today; and just like that I snapped out of it again. So often I chose to ignore those small things I pick up which bothers me, (you know that feeling when you know somethings not completely transparent)... well I'm the master of feelings and when I feel, I know. So today I felt something which I didn't like, and instead of being upset about it, i'm actually really relieved.


And weirdly enough... just like that...


(in a non violent angry way)



Haven't had a good nights sleep in a long long while, (but I have a feeling tonight's going to be a nice long well deserved beauty rest... trust me I need it). 




I dropped my phone on the floor the other day (side effect of my trusted bestfriend, insomnia)... so now I have no phone. I rather like it, but how the f*ck am I going to order an uber now?? 

...so clueless...






Anyways.... so a quick update of what I've been obsessing over these past 2 months..

IN..


1. Seafood...





2. Rings rings rings...










3. Outfit of the days #ootd







4. Vietnamese cuisine




5. Last but not least... TEQUILAAAAA. slash anything with a nice hefty alcohol percentage is welcomed.












OUT...

1.  


we all know it's true... stop bitching about it and expect less.



2.


quit being a little bitch about life and enjoyyyyyy :) 




3.


wait... this is definitely not an out.. bootycall? girls gotta do what a girls gotta do (yikes sorry mom)




4. 

stop letting people get to you... life's shitty enough, why waste it talking about shitty people?








Anyways, this is a rather long winded post. I'm hopefully going on holiday on sunday... gotta escape and let loose! Barcelona maybe?













What I'm listening to: Matoma & Nelsaan- Free Fallin Tropical Mojito Remix (John Mayer Tribute)






Kisses,
Kel.
x

























Monday, 1 September 2014

Ciao for Now Bitches


Hey guys, having nearly pressed the delete button on blogger, I decided that my html skills have pretty much disintegrated in my brain and if I were to remake this page layout (which as a former graphic design student am rater proud of) it would take me just about my lifetime to remake.

Its been a rather distracting month, (i officially hate August). And since its the beginning of a new month, I decided to disconnect myself from the outer world and work on what makes me happy (although writing to virtual people as yourself brings much pleasure to me.. I just want to wait it out long enough so people I actually know stop coming on here ie, page views dropping from 100 to 0 a day).


(just kidding)




So for now... (perhaps a day... two days... a week. a month... half a year idk),  I'm going to stop writing... and raging and put my diary to use. For those who have been following this for a while now, this used to be a rather drama free zone. I'm a pretty chilled person, and ranting and raging about how not drama free my life is is a waste of time and frankly a waste of your time!





So until I've settled back down in London, and my life changes from this...




to this...



and mainly this..






Bye for now sweeties. :)





  (Anyways, don't you have anything better to do than snoop into my life?)








What I'm  YOU Should Listening To: Lilly Allen- Fuck You







Current Mood:















Kel
x




















Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Hairdresser with a Death Wish

Being super bored of my life at the moment, I thought much change is needed to help me get out of this rut. What does a girl do? Cut that hairrrrr (Mistake #1). I tend to have this pattern with my hair... I like it long... really long. But every so often (which normally is this time of year) I go for a 'drastic' change and chop it just longer than shoulder length. Having noticed this trend, I decided to not hack off my long locks. I went to the hair dressers... asked for a trim and told him to do what he thought would be a nice change- I suggested a colour change, perhaps some waves? (Mistake #2).

The outcome? Lets just say I was not too pleased. Two and a half hours later, $2,000 HKD later... I look up into the mirror and I feel like Brad Pitt in Troy. I mean he rocked it in that film- I still remembering the whole class swooning over the scene when he was ass naked (awkward now thinking about how it must have looked from the eyes of our Classics teacher in Year 8... cringe). Anyways... back to the subject (I do do that often dont I? My trail of thoughts always going off in tangents), Brad rocked the hair... me... well I'm no Brad Pitt.









Another comparison of my experience would be Mad Madam Mim from Sword of the Stone.... It-is-that-bad.

1. Living my super chilled life with amazing long hair...




2. ...Oh shits about to go down...




3. ...Shit happens.







FML
.
.
.



(It then went into a horrid horrid perm... I honestly cannot express how gross my hair is right now. Im sure it'll look better in a month when it grows out a little more.)


(best photo of my hair... honestly... it looks 50 times worse in real life :'( )





Aside from that...

1. Been attending some music classes- well actually DJ classes. Im not half bad so I'm definitely going to continue this after I finish my beginners course in Hong Kong. 2 more courses until I'm a proper DJ bitches



2. It has been raining for a couple of days in HK now... not ideal (but thats another post sometime in the near future)


(If only rainy days ended up like this... swoon at the notebook)




3. Tempted to get inked. WAHHH my brains like YOLO do it... my heads like kelly... NO... youre going to regret it in two years. What to do? INKINKINKINKINK

Moms like...


And I'm like...











What I'm Listening To: Classic- MKTO









Current mood:








Kel
x













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